A day in the life of a stay at home mom

-Wow. I have been trying to write this post for over a week now. My children are soooo needy… they want attention allll the time. It’s like mom is trying to write a blog here, go destroy your room like a normal child. Should have taken this into consideration before I started a blog.-

I am going to tell you about what I do all day. Wooooo. Not because teaching my daughter the importance of wiping your butt good the first time, so it doesnt itch later, is overly interesting. But so I can make my husband read it and make him feel bad for me. -Just kidding! I have one of those magical husbands that genuinely appreciates me for being a stay at home mom.-

My day starts off around 7 am, I have the world’s cutest and most annoying alarm clock. Which I am pretty sure is broken because it also woke me up at midnight, 2 am, 4 am, and 5 am. Most people would say just return it and get a new one, but seeing as it’s my 6 week old son, that’s kinda frowned upon. I honestly think that if anyone tried to torture a mom with sleep deprevation would probably get to day 3 and the mom would be like, if you put the same episode of Super Why on repeat it really adds something to it. Then the torture people would be all ‘let’s try pain’ and the mom would just laughhh and laughhh. Oh no hun, I gave birth and then had to use the bathroom after. You got nothinnnn.

Anyways, some how I manage to get my sleep starved body out of bed and get a diaper. Honestly, not sure how I do this every morning. Wipe the spattered gunk out of his butt crack and lay back down to feed him. Every morning I tell myself the same lie: I’m going to get go back to sleep.

Right about now is when my daughter runs into my room. “The suns up! It’s morning time!” In case you’re wondering about her tone of voice when she says this… it’s nails on a chalkboard.

I throw on my robe and bring the kids into the family room. This part of the day is pretty chaotic. The baby is normally crying, my daughter is bouncing off the walls, and my labador, Red, is in his crate ready to be let out. Let Red outside, after he knocks the 3 year old over because he is so excited to see her. Console the 3 year old. Call dog back inside, hoping he did his business cause I wasn’t looking. Set the baby down long enough to go make myself some coffee and my daughter some breakfast. My daughter argues that she should be eating candy for breakfast, not cereal. Then, goes on to inform me that ‘ Welll, Grandpa gives me candy’. Thanks Dad.

Back to the crying baby, who had just calmed down until the dog slighty bumped his rocker thingy. Set coffee down and pick the baby up. Kid looks hungry again, so I pop a boob in his mouth and he shuts up.

My coffee is now gone. I scolded my mouth finishing it in 3 gulps, but my mouth has  toughen up ever since I brought home a newborn.

My toddler and 8 month old puppy are running around family room. All over the couch that my husband keeps yelling at my daughter not to jump on. At this point I’m still half asleep so I don’t have the energy to back up his rules.

I get up to pop in a movie, hoping it will calm down this mini tornado. It doesn’t. But can’t turn it off because “heyyyyy I was watching that!”. No you weren’t. You were watching barbie Elsa fly through the air and hit the dog in the head. I just leave it on and start fantasizing about how quiet my house will be at nap time.

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They look soooo innocent .

The baby is now asleep in my arms. I try to lay him down but kid refuses to sleep unless he is right next to me. So, I pick him back up and try to rock him back to sleep. At this point I’m scrolling through facebook, just to see another mom friend post something like “Cherish this moment with your child because they grow up so fast. The dishes can wait.”. I can’t help but roll my eyes. I cherish my kids and all… but the dishes have been waiting for a couple days now and it smells. This also reminds me of don’t let your kids watch to much t.v. or feed your kids real food. They leave out the parts where you haven’t slept right in weeks and how the kids will somehow siphon energy out of you and use it to fuel their destruction of your home. People have all sorts of opinions on how to be the perfect parents but to acomplish that I’d have to be four people or a robot.

The next few hours are filled with me yelling ‘get off the dog’ and oh God, he puked right down my shirt, so much puke. By now, I’m on my 4th veiwing of Madagascar 3 today and I would love to down half a bottle of vodak to make this movie even a little bit more entertaining. The whole breast is best and being a responsible parent thing is really getting in the way of my imaginary drinking problem. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good movie.. the first 5 times I watched. Now, it’s just mind numbing.

But good news after my daughter finishs her turkey, crackers, and apple sauce, it’s nap time! Ahhh, but of course, it takes 50 minutes to get her to take one bite of each thing before I give up and tuck her in.

Buttttttttt wait, forgot the water. She cannot go to bed without water.

Buttttttttt waittt, didn’t cuddle long enough before leaving the room. And didn’t rub her back and sing her night night song.  Which she just turned down the first time I put her down for a nap.

Buttttttt waittttttt, she wants hugs and kisses one more time.

Finally, she is sort of just laying there singing to herself. Close enough. Cause the other kid has been crying the whole time this has been going on because he is hungry. Sit down to nurse and watch an episode of Grimm.

When he is done and asleep, I lay him back down. Around this time I usually start getting cocky. I made it to 1 pm and I haven’t gone insane yet. I can totally make myself some lunch because I only had 4 almonds for breakfast. Not because I’m on a funky diet but because the instant oatmeal I tried to make earlier is sitting in its unopened package on the counter.

Maybe I can sneak in a lunch beer too!

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Right about the time I sit down for lunch is when my son realizes he isn’t being held anymore.

I’ve been nursing and holding him all morning, you’d think he’d be sick of me. But I am pretty awesome. I’d want to cuddle with me too…So I try to eat last nights heated up pasta while he nurses himself back to sleep.

Sometime around 2:30 the 3 year old awakens. Yayyyy…

I figure now is a good time to turn on some Queen and try to get a work out in. Lay my son down for some tummy time and tell my daughter it’s time to dance.

I’m just trying to do push ups to We Will Rock You but my daughter thinks I’m playing a game. She keeps trying to crawl under me. My arm fat is not a game child.

After all that excitement is over, I attempt to do dishes and get dinner ready. My husband won’t be home for another 2 hours but thats how long it take to cook anything with two small children. To get any of this done, I put my baby in my wrap carrier which he falls asleep in almost instantly. Then I proceed to trip over my toddler and dog as I hand wash all the dishes, because we don’t have a dishwasher. Yes, it does suck as much as you think it does.

Finally, I start on dinner. Which my daughter tells me she doesnt want to eat the whole time I’m making it. She has a melt down until I turn on her show and kick her out of the kitchen. Right in the middle of cooking is when my baby wakes up pissed off and hungry.

After a bit my husband comes home. My hero. Hand him the baby and try to salvage our supper. Now, where is that lunch beer…

-Cat 🐾